Bourbon Blogging 03-04-2006

Tonight's Bourbon
Knob Creek - 100 proof

Description
A 9-year-old Kentucky straight bourbon that's both sweet and powerful. Brought to us with love by Jim Beam brands.

Trivia
Named after a stream near Abraham Lincoln's birthplace. A distillery in which Abe's father worked once stood there.

Casper's Opinion
I once ordered this in a bar and the bartender said something about me having class. That just goes to show alcohol can kill your reasoning skills, even if you're just serving it. This is by far my favorite bourbon. Picking up a bottle means I'm treating myself, and getting a bottle as a gift means someone's about to get a big kiss. Sorry Chaz.

Tonight I'm going to rant.

I don't grocery shop in bulk, so I tend to stop at my local grocery store on a near daily basis to find whatever culinary delight I plan on whipping up that night. I usually have a good idea what I need before I step into the store and can be in and out with relative ease. But that doesn't stop me from witnessing some of the most frustrating behavior from both shoppers and employees each and every time.

That in mind, here are some suggestions for everyone out there...

Shop like you drive
The average grocery store aisle is wide enough to accommodate two carts with maybe a little space to allow someone to sneak between them. Keep to the right. If you find yourself spending a good deal of time in one place, have the courtesy to pull your cart over to the side. Turning the cart at an angle and blocking the entire aisle while you decide between Heinz and Hunts is the equivalent of leaving your car parked perpendicular to the street while you run in to Starbucks and get a cup of coffee.

Your cart is not a battering ram
I realize you may really want to check out the price of ham in the deli, but the right thing to do is say "excuse me." The wrong thing is wedging your cart between me and the counter or just plain slamming it into me. I'm relatively young and not a small guy, so in the battle between your cart and me the cart's going to lose. Likewise, when I'm checking out, I get to stand at the register until my transaction is complete. That means you shouldn't be inching your cart forward until it hits me in the hip. I'm not going to budge. You're just going to make me angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

This is not a social engagement
Hey look! It's your neighbor! Or coworker! Or that lady who always sits behind you in church! I'm happy you have friends, but keep in mind that as much as the two of you may wish to catch up, doing so in the middle of an aisle while people are trying to get by is not appreciated by anyone. Add to that each of your husbands and your combined six kids, and you're lucky that loitering ordinance didn't pass. Exchange phone numbers. Go to the coffee shop across the street. Just get the hell out of everyone's way.

15 items or less is not a suggestion
It's a rule. And 16 is greater than 15. Sure, that one item may not seem like much, but every time you do it you're not only telling everyone else that you don't think the rules apply to you, you're telling them you're an inconsiderate f**k. On the same token, props to the cashiers who have called people trying to break the rule.

Save the trees!
When I was studying consumer marketing 15 years ago, coupon usage stood somewhere between 1 and 3 percent. With the advent of savers' cards, I can only imagine that number has gone down. Maybe that's why whenever someone has 100 coupons for 100 items, thus making the cashier scan 200 items, it really stands out. Now I'm not sure who to blame here. I can't blame consumers for wanting to save money while at the same time I can't fault stores for not wanting to offer manufacturers' savings with their cards. Either way, it's become pretty apparent that anyone ending up in line behind someone with a stack of paper coupons isn't going to be happy. Maybe it's time the stores and manufacturers figure out how to get rid of coupons.

I don't care
This is for the employees. I know you're probably not happy about being a bagger. I realize that you'd rather be hanging out with your boyfriend or talking on the phone. I'm sorry that guy blew you off. I can sympathize with you wanting to make more money. But you know what? When push comes to shove, I don't give a damn. When I was 16 I was a cook in a Dairy Queen, where the owner was such a drunk his wife kicked him out on a regular basis and he ended up sleeping next to the flame broiler. I'm the customer. Your problems are not mine. That means that when I repeatedly ask you for a paper bag, I shouldn't get plastic. That means all I care about during our brief relationship is that you don't put that leaking package of raw chicken next to my loaf of bread. That means that I don't want my eggs put under the bottle of bourbon. As good as a bourbon omelet may be, I want to be the one to make it. And I want you to do your job.

In the end
Y'know what the worst part about all of this is? When it comes to my complaints about my fellow consumers, it's not that they're out-of-control teens, drunk college kids or simply the dregs of society. These are people who typically appear educated, look like they might have some class and I would usually expect a little more out of them. Considering the area of Milwaukee I live in, for some reason I think the best face I could give them is this one...

If you ever shopped in my shoes, you'd know exactly what I was saying.

That's it for the second installment of Bourbon Blogging. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed drinking it.