Kevin Barrett Eats Kittens

It was recently revealed to me through an anonymous source that controversial UW-Madison lecturer Kevin Barrett, now infamous for his highly questionable assertions regarding the Bush administration's coordination of 9-11, frequently snacks on kittens.

Live kittens.

Usually the ones with bows tied between their ears.

Apparently his cravings for little felines are so insatiable that when he can't get them either from unsuspecting farmers or online (he was "unofficially" banned from the Humane Society years ago), he'll often satisfy his appetite with his own trademarked recipe for full grown hand-fed orange tabbies.

I have it on good word that this affinity for eating live cats came about when he was forced to entertain himself as a small child as his parents never expressed any love toward him and he instead turned to a local pack of wild dogs for love and companionship.

After being discovered at the age of 10 by a hiking family, who went on to raise him as their own but under a shadow of secrecy for fear of anyone discovering "poodle-boy", Barrett's life took a brief turn for the better. While not excelling in elementary school, he learned to read and write from a local homeless, communist, (supposed) alien-abductee in return for brushing the man's hair.

It's quite obvious that the distorted views we see from Barrett today are influenced by the very troubled early childhood he led.

It's also very clear to me now how easy it is to spread lies.

Man...if I only had a teaching position!