Thursday, January 18, 2007

It was bound to happen

Today, I, David Casper, officially announce the creation of an exploratory committee for the 2008 Presidential election.

I'm not really sure what happens with an exploratory committee in a situation like this. I figure it involves a lot of polling. Or maybe I just have a bunch of people going around asking, "Hey, would you vote for Dave Casper if he ran for president?" I kinda hoped it would be a little like spelunking, but that's only because I like saying the word spelunking.

Today, I officially announce the creation of my 2008 presidential bid spelunking committee. Kinda rolls of the tongue, doesn't it?

What would be really cool is if a presidential exploratory committee was something like space exploration. Actually, when you think about it, the further I would explore away from home, like the east and west coasts, the more likely I am to encounter strange and exotic beings. And in parts of San Francisco, there'd be a good chance of learning the true meaning of "boldly going where no man has gone before."

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I would also like to state, for the record, that as of this very moment I have absolutely no intention of going to Iowa. I've been to Iowa, and voluntarily nonetheless. I will promise, though, that should I become President, one of my first acts will be to turn the state of Iowa into one large federal penitentary. The entire state would be fenced off and inmates will be forced to drive back and forth on I-80 with only an AM radio for the duration of their sentences.

That'll teach 'em.

So, back to this committee. I already have one volunteer, and I believe he's already started exploring. Although, when I sent him out I was pretty vague in my instructions, so he'll either return with a definitive answer as to whether or not I should run or a map of the North-West Passage. I think he was drunk when he left. Or I was drunk when I gave him his marching orders. Or maybe we were both drunk and he just went out for a gyro.

This is going to be tougher than I expected.

First step: Explore closet. Remove skeletons.


At 4:57 PM, January 18, 2007, Blogger Phelony Jones said...

You might need a mop or two.

Hey I'm just looking forward to the Casper for "___" promos!

At 5:19 PM, January 18, 2007, Blogger Nick said...

See, there are advantages to getting older after all... damn Constitution and its "requirements".

At 10:27 PM, January 18, 2007, Blogger Kate said...

I'll explore Jamaica for ya next week. :)

At 6:04 PM, January 19, 2007, Blogger Jay Bullock said...

While I don't entirely think I'd like to be your netroots guru, I would, however, like to be paid handsomely to post all over the web under various monikers promoting your candidacy. You can call me your Sockpuppet Outreach Director or something.


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