Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I'll be spending the weekend on my knees

When I leave work today it will be for a four day extended weekend. Don't get all jealous on me's to have some time off to work on replacing my kitchen floor.

In all likelihood, my absence from work will also mean my absence from not only blogging, but the internets as a well. That's right, I'm going on blogcation.

When I return, it will be a new, re-invigorated me. New kitchen floor and all.

And maybe I'll have something worthwhile to say...for once.

Doing Babs' Job

I'm not sure how long this has been out there, but it's absolutely hilarious!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Why So Confident?

Look! The Al-Qaeda deputy leader is mocking our president. Why so confident, I wonder.

Al-Zawahri said the U.S. strategy for Iraq, outlined by Bush in a Jan. 9 speech, was doomed to fail.

"I ask him, why send 20,000 (troops) only — why not send 50 or 100 thousand? Aren't you aware that the dogs of Iraq are pining for your troops' dead bodies?"

Oh yeah, I guess that's what happens when your own government and countrymen don't support our troops: the enemy wipes your face in it. And why not? What does Al Qaeda have to fear? The 2008 election? Hardly. They're on the clock now. All they have to do is wait it out and America falls flat on its face.

There's one thing Bush really did get right: "The war on terror will be a problem for the next president. Presidents after me will be confronting ... an enemy that would like to strike the United States again."

Good thing this country is doing everything it can to embolden that enemy.

It goes without saying...

I don't want abortion to be illegal.

I want it to be unthinkable.

...but sometimes it still needs to be said.

Elliot nails it.

Nailing It

Friday night a group of friends and I journeyed out to Three Brothers Serbian restaurant to celebrate a group of birthdays. After a wonderful meal accompanied by a couple bottles of wine, some Czech beer and a couple rounds of Slivovitz, I was feeling a little feisty. At the bar we stopped at after dinner, I got it in my head that I would start playing mind-games with some unsuspecting soul. So I turn to my friend the Robo-babe...

Me: I'm going to ruin someone's night.

Robo-babe: What's her name?

I need to find new friends.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

MySpace, Baby Boomers and parenting

Maybe it's because I don't have any kids that this most recent MySpace lawsuit seems so utterly ridiculous to me. Or maybe it's because by some accounts I fit into Generation X, but every time I hear the word, "Myspace," on the news I cringe at what usually follows. It took only a few observations for me to realize that people over a certain age use the word "Myspace" as though it were akin to string theory and that understanding how it works is like a scene from the movie "Codebreakers."

I can't count the number of times I've heard talk show hosts and otherwise attack generations younger than themselves for our apparent laziness. And it's on that note that I present the following opinions:

Never, have I ever seen more laziness than out of the newest crop of teenage-owning parents. Here's a piece of advice for you all: Get a clue! I do not believe that an acceptable excuse in this society anymore is, "My kid did it online, and I don't understand that stuff!"

Get over yourselves, get educated and start parenting your kids. Any adult who honestly believes they can be an effective parent in this society without understanding technology is lazy or just stupid. I'm betting on the former.

Families can get together and sue MySpace all they want, but that sure isn't going to stop the problem. As soon as parents stop being lazy and start getting an online education, I think we'll see a decline in the number of these incidences. And here's a head start for you. YouTube for beginners.

Thank you, Grey's Anatomy

For speaking the truth.

“I don’t know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn’t.”

“Yeah, that never really changes.”

It was bound to happen

Today, I, David Casper, officially announce the creation of an exploratory committee for the 2008 Presidential election.

I'm not really sure what happens with an exploratory committee in a situation like this. I figure it involves a lot of polling. Or maybe I just have a bunch of people going around asking, "Hey, would you vote for Dave Casper if he ran for president?" I kinda hoped it would be a little like spelunking, but that's only because I like saying the word spelunking.

Today, I officially announce the creation of my 2008 presidential bid spelunking committee. Kinda rolls of the tongue, doesn't it?

What would be really cool is if a presidential exploratory committee was something like space exploration. Actually, when you think about it, the further I would explore away from home, like the east and west coasts, the more likely I am to encounter strange and exotic beings. And in parts of San Francisco, there'd be a good chance of learning the true meaning of "boldly going where no man has gone before."

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I would also like to state, for the record, that as of this very moment I have absolutely no intention of going to Iowa. I've been to Iowa, and voluntarily nonetheless. I will promise, though, that should I become President, one of my first acts will be to turn the state of Iowa into one large federal penitentary. The entire state would be fenced off and inmates will be forced to drive back and forth on I-80 with only an AM radio for the duration of their sentences.

That'll teach 'em.

So, back to this committee. I already have one volunteer, and I believe he's already started exploring. Although, when I sent him out I was pretty vague in my instructions, so he'll either return with a definitive answer as to whether or not I should run or a map of the North-West Passage. I think he was drunk when he left. Or I was drunk when I gave him his marching orders. Or maybe we were both drunk and he just went out for a gyro.

This is going to be tougher than I expected.

First step: Explore closet. Remove skeletons.

The Shepherd is on top of things

This week's Shepherd Express cover promotes their enclosed Spring Arts Guide. While I commend them for trying to be ahead of the story, it seems a little too soon to be covering Spring events when we're only half-way through January.

Rumor has it that next week's issue will be a comprehensive guide for who to vote for in the 2016 presidential election.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Effective Immediately

I am going to stop aging. Furthermore, I pledge to do the following:


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I Had To

Happy Birthday, buddy (sorry I'm a little late on this). And Casper, next time, be more careful in choosing those you decide to pass out around.

Monday, January 15, 2007

I hate MLK Day!

Now let me be absolutely clear on this before anyone accuses me of being a racist. I have nothing but the utmost respect for Martin Luther King, Jr. the man and his accomplishments. However, I have long held a grudge against the day celebrating him. You see, it just so happened that in 1989 MLK day fell on my birthday. It also so happened that 1989 was the year I turned 16.

What's the most important thing to someone turning 16?

That's right...getting your driver's license. And any 16-year-old, misplaced priorities and all, is going to do everything in their power to get that license on their birthday.

But what happens at the DMV on MLK day?

They close!


The horrors!

No driver's license for at least another day!

And so, for 18 years, I've been pissed at MLK Day.

Someday, maybe I'll get over it.

At least I do have the comfort of knowing that MLK and I have so very much in common. Below you'll see what sort of people are born in January. I would say this describes both Dr. King and me to tee.

Your Birth Month is January
You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.
Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona
Your gemstone: Garnet
Your flower: Snowdrop
Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue

Thanks to Nick for the link.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Second Coming...

So, it's true. Dude. I totally want one.

Monday, January 08, 2007

A DR Haiku

Tomorrow night at Papa's
Be there or be square